Wow! That title.. This ought to be an interesting blog.
First, a disclaimer… I do not know how many “followers” of this blog do I have and to be quite honest with you, it truly does not matter to me because this is an outlet for me and I trust and believe that God will use this, my outlet, to reach and touch those that it is supposed to because that’s what He do. I do my part by writing, posting, and notifying.. Until He shows me what more to do, I can’t worry bout it.
Now, I steered away from blogging because I am in the process of drafting a book and I don’t want my book to be comprised of my blogs (I feel that will be a disservice to the people who are going to buy and read it), and I am in summer school…but believe it or not, those are not the true reasons. I personally know when I have “fell off”.. When I am unable to write, get revelations, and/or my posts (IG/FB) become more “selfish” and not glorifying my Father. That’s when I know I have drifted away and I’m straddling more than I am standing. Luckily, God has not given up on me nor have I on Him. I still faithfully attend church because I know restoration lies there and sure enough….I have been restored!! Hallelujah!
Yes, I am a Christian, yes, I am saved, yes, I do believe my life for the most part shows that; however, I am human and I am not perfect. So, just like all other humans, I make mistakes. I never want to come off as if I got it all together, because I don’t. When I used to hear people say things like, “It was nobody but God”, “If it wasn’t for His love”, “I am here by grace”, “Mercy is keeping me alive”, I never really understood what they meant, until I actually started living in it! Granted, everyone is here (alive) because of His love, long-suffering, grace, and mercy; but, when you’re actually living in it, breathing it, feeling it, it’s a different feeling. It’s different because you get to see it. God shows you who you are and when you truly see you, solo you, you become THAT much appreciative of it. None of us are worthy of all that God does for us. All of us take God for granted and grace and mercy to play with. My heart started aching when I started thinking about the day God takes away grace and mercy. I immediately became remorseful for all the things I have done. I inwardly fell into shame but wouldn’t let it show outwardly, but Isaiah 54:4&&5 reminds me of God’s words and promise: “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For you Maker is your husband–the Lord Almighty is his name–the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth” (NIV). Hence this share….
I often question myself when I post these blogs, why do I write about my personal life like this. My flaws, faults, and falls for potentially the whole wide world to see and I remember in the book of James it saying, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed” (5:16, KJV) and I remember why I do it! It’s not about me anyways.. But the thing is we get saved and portray that that’s all it is.. You get saved and life is smooth sailings and that is a façade! You best believe when you get saved, the devil will come after you to keep you from going up and people really need to know this! Trouble don’t end when you say “for God I’ll live”, BUT the great news is trouble don’t last!
I will admit…I was a bit mad at myself for not giving in. I figured if I thought about it so much and I was so close to getting it, what was the point of not actually giving in.?! The point is this: I didn’t give in. Point. Blank. PERIOD! Look, in this narrow walk, there will be times when you trip and guess what!? Sometimes may even fall, but let me show you this beautiful picture: “The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit–a wife who married young, only to be rejected…For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back” Isaiah 54:6&&7 (NIV) God did abandoned me for a brief moment, and look what I am here doing today! He compassionately brought me back and blessed me with and allowed me to write this blog! Every second I am learning to trust Him. I am learning to be patient. I am learning to say “no” to this no good flesh of mine and I am learning to be obedient. I remember posting, may have even blogged about it, that things sometimes doesn’t just happen over night. Whether its deliverance, healing, peace, and even forgiveness. Some things are really sunk deep down inside of you that’s gonna take some time to get out. Today Pastor said “keep digging, go deep”, and that’s what I plan to do. But I also know, the deeper I press into God the harder the devil is gonna try to stop me but just how James chapter 4 verses 7-10 saved my life that night, I trust that it will continue to do so and manifest in my life.
Instead of me racking my brain on the “why I didn’t sleep with you”…I’m looking at the fact that I DIDN’T sleep with you. My people, stay encouraged. If you trip, don’t give in. If you fall, just stand back up. Don’t try to play it off or cover it up, instead just go to God and tell it all! There is no more of a perfect time than NOW to get your life right with God…because just like I stated before, there will come a time when Grace and Mercy will be no more and you don’t want to be “still waiting” when that time gets here. And Christian people, you could never recommit/rededicate your life too many times; God IS a forgiving God…we just gotta stop taking it for granted.
Whatever it is that you DIDN’T do…don’t dwell so much on the “why”, but be secured in the fact that you >didn’t< and stand on that to give you strength for the possible next time.
Written from God through my heart with love,